is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
