I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
