She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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