I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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