There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
