Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize