Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize