i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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