I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
