Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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