So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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