I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Panties = found
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
