...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
