The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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