yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize