Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
