to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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