Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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