I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
