When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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