you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
