That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
