Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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