if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
