Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
