dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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