arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
