As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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