put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
