i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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