Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
