we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
