Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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