I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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