just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
