Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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