Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
