I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
