I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
