I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
