I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
