Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
