my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
