sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
