Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
