what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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