What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
