hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize