fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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