Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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