Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
