Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
