Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is wine microwaveable?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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