Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
