Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
