i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
