Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize