I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
