Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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