My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
