Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize