I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
