Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So drunk its hurt
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
